You Gotta Try Out These Strange Dating Simulators
Dating within video games is by no means a new frontier in the gaming industry, countless RPGs have that feature woven into the plot. But that is, overall, not the point of the game, just an added bonus should you decide to go down that road—which, let’s be real, most of us do. Dating sims are a whole other monster entirely, your entire reason for playing the game to snag yourself an appealing guy or girl while following a visual novel type gameplay.
Now, dating sims are becoming an increasingly popular sub-genre of video games here in America. Most, if not all, of the ones I’ve played, are straight out of Japan, all varying in translation quality. And, honestly, the only reason I even knew they existed was word of mouth from a select few friends who engaged in the hobby and usually played games based on their suggestions. Recently, with popular games such as HuniePop and the more recent and highly anticipated Dream Daddy, dating sims have been getting a lot more attention. But these games are the good ones, and the more normal ones, honestly. Some of these strange dating simulators out there are… well, out there.
If you are familiar with the dating sim scene, this game is not much of a surprise to you, but if you aren’t, I figured I’d start you off gently. This is another one of those strange dating simulators in which you date a variety of birds. Yes, you read that right. It’s about a human girl who goes to a bird high school (which is a high school for birds) and dates pigeons.
I have had numerous friends play this game and absolutely adore it, but I still do not get it. I? Just? Birds? The only thing I specifically remember from this game is that one of the birds is characterized frighteningly similar to Hannibal Lector. He kills the other birds, probably rivals for your love, and keeps parts of their body, like their flesh. I’m pretty sure he can give you these trophies as gifts depending on how you play the route. I don’t even know what to do with that sentence.
I think what confuses me the most is its overwhelming positive rating on Steam. I’m sure it is a well-written game with interesting characters. But. Birds.
Speaking of dating animals for no real explainable reason, have you ever wanted to date a T-Rex? Well, you’re in luck! With the short and sweet game Jurassic Heart, all of your weirdly specific dreams can come true! The concept confuses me, as most dating sims involving talking animals do, but from what I’ve read and seen of the game, it is surprisingly heartfelt. Which only makes me even more confused because, you know, T-Rex.
Five Tries At Love – An Animatronic Dating Sim
Have you played any of the popular Five Nights at Freddy’s games? Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you tried to romance your way out of the murderous animatronics’ clutches instead of hiding away in your badly lit and stuffy office? Me neither! I almost don’t know what to say about this one other than the fact that I had tears in my eyes trying to hold back my disbelieving laughter. Instead of trying to survive five nights at your underpaying night job watching over murderous animatronics, you need to find love in five nights with one of these (I’m hoping) not murderous animatronics. I’m not sure what happens if you don’t. The title itself says five tries at love, so love is certainly not a guarantee. I really hope they don’t stuff you inside one of the animatronics if you fail.
I don’t care what anyone says, Five Nights at Freddy’s still terrifies me and leaves me suspicious of this game.
The game apparently even has a sequel titled Five Tries at Love 2: Five Days at Jumpscare Academy, in which the basic premise is the same, except you’re at school now because, as we all know, every good dating sim needs to at least partially take place at a school. Even one where you’re trying to date (hopefully) not murderous animatronics.ex.
My Curry Boyfriend
When I first glanced at this game, I thought to myself, “Oh, thank God. Humans.” I thought it would be a cute game about meeting cute guys in the curry shop you work for. But I was wrong. So very wrong. Let my just give you the synopsis from the Google Play store:
“You go to school and help out at the curry shop where your parents work. Because you work at the shop all the time, you have no time to go out with your friends and meet new people. The one day, you see a couple at the shop next to yours eating curry together, and you say to yourself, ‘I want a boyfriend.’ Then suddenly, you see a bright light from the curry that you have been stirring.
When you open your eyes, you see 4 attractive guys.
They are from the curry kingdom who are looking for a wife in the human world. They were the curry fairies.”
The…curry…fairies. From the curry kingdom. Why couldn’t it have just been cute guys you meet when they come in for lunch at your shop? Why did they appear out of your curry? Why are there even curry fairies?
Each guy is a different kind of curry and they apparently even have ages ranging from seventeen to twenty-two. I don’t know why these immortal fairies have ages. Unless maybe curry fairies age quicker? Or is the curry itself twenty-two years old? I don’t know. I’m a little frightened, honestly.
My Horse Prince
You have more than likely at least seen the Eldritch Abomination that was birthed from this game, but I absolutely cannot not bring it up because it still haunts my nightmares. I do not know the plot, nor do I even want to even look into it. You find a horse with the head of a man. You’re probably picturing a centaur, right? That’s not that weird, you say. But no. I wish it was a centaur. I could sleep peacefully at night were it just a centaur. It is a horse with the head of a human man stuck on the end of a horse neck with horse ears. All the Apple app store says for a description is:
“There stands a horse with a handsome human face. Before you know it, you agree to start training him… Is this a dream or a nightmare? Life on this strange ranch awaits…”
I’m leaning far toward the nightmare side of the spectrum, but who am I to judge? All I know is that this game is very real and is staring at me from the screen of my iPod touch.